Rental: The Longest Yard 4. You know, it's a sad statement on the film industry when I'm forced to admit I enjoyed this movie more than the other 3 I rented. Let me qualify this commentary by stating up front that I never saw the original Longest Yard, which probably brightens this review tremendously... but I enjoyed this movie a lot. While I like Adam Sandler a lot, both he and Chris Rock are terribly miscast in the lead roles here, but the rest of the casting is spot on... Mostly unknowns and little-knowns who bring a freshness and a we're-not-going-to-take-this-too-seriously-ness to the movie. It's also worth an isolated notation that Courtney Cox and her breasts look outstanding in the first 5 minutes of the movie (which is all she's in). Shortly after that, the "Oncoming-Train-Wreck-o-Meter" does slip briefly into condition yellow, but once the exposition is out of the way and the actors have the freedom to enjoy themselves, the movie rights itself and you get a chance to have a good time with it. By the time the credits roll, you end up with a warm feeling of "ok, that was harmless fun." I wasn't at all sure I wanted to rent this to begin with, but I'm glad I did.  ¶ 6:09 AM 0 comments

  Rental: The Brothers Grimm 1. An interesting idea, really, that somebody beat to an uninteresting pulp. I wanted it to hold my attention, but I spent half of the movie struggling to stay awake. In fact, we had to stop watching halfway through and come back to it. I think I've stumbled upon a sad fact of Hollywood: The last real creative talent in the industry lies within those people who come up with movie concepts, many of whom don't really work in the movie making industry, but sell their interesting ideas to film producers. Here is where the mistake is made, as these gems in the rough are then given to the same old CSI-watching, Shakespeare-typing monkeys to hack into what we end up seeing. I find I'm usually as impressed with a movie's concept as I am disappointed in its execution. Maybe it's time movie producers stopped doling writing opportunities out to whoever gives the best blowjobs and start giving them to quality writers. All this tirade, and I still haven't said a thing about Bros. Grimm.

.....On second thought, I have nothing constructive to say about this movie except that it makes a fine anesthetic. Watch it if you're having trouble falling asleep or if you enjoy seeing good ideas destroyed.  ¶ 5:34 AM 0 comments

  Rental: A History of Violence 3. I'm really disappointed and a little concerned that the portion of my brain that's colored Clueless is simply larger than I think.... But I just don't get it. 150... One Hundred and Fifty of the industry's top movie reviewers listed this movie as one of their top 10 films of all time. So I went into this thinking, "ok, at last I get to see some quality film making." Boy, was I mistaken.... At least I think I was... Wasn't I?? I don't know now. I mean, sure, it was ok. A fairly simple, and really pretty predictable, drama. ....Decent acting. ....It had a couple "moments." ...It's certainly better than Ishtar. ...But that's it really. Rent it if you're really curious, but I think you'll be much happier if you wait for this to hit basic cable.  ¶ 5:17 AM 0 comments

  Rental: The Corpse Bride 2. Oh, Danny Elfman.... Are you truly a one-trick pony when it comes to animated musicals? Did you truly shoot your wad on Nightmare Before Christmas? That was good. This... Not so much. I'll now spread the criticisms beyond just Danny to include Tim Burton. Guys, guys, GUYS.... NBC had depth and richness. It was interesting to watch even when the story and/or one of the songs got a little weak. It was so obvious that you pulled out all the stops, and it's also obvious, decades later, that we appreciated you for it. (Look at the merchandising that continues to this day.) But Corpse Bride has no such richness to fall back on. I hesitate to use a word that I usually reserve for uninterested, post-pubescent workers at McDonalds or Best Buy, but the job done on this movie can be summed up with one expression: Half-assed. Maybe I'm being overly critical here, but I'm disappointed. This movie didn't live up to expectations, and that annoys me. While exceedingly superficial and unengaging, it was sometimes enjoyable. But 15 minutes into it, I could tell this story was going to paint itself into a corner. Someone in this cast, someone you're going to try hard to make us care about, had to lose. And no amount of silly, fairy-tale consolation prize of a plot patch (which was obviously designed to ease the tender minds of its younger viewers) could fix it. I almost felt insulted by it.

Catch this on TV some night later this year if you're bored, or if you're already a movie channel subscriber watch it in bits and pieces over the 156 times it's going to be shown over the next month. But don't go out of your way for it.  ¶ 3:36 AM 0 comments

  V for Vendetta 9. Wow, they did a nice job with this. I've been looking forward to this since I saw the first trailer. I remember the comic book miniseries coming out when I was working at Mayfair Games and spending a lot of my work time doing the required comic book reading. (Oh, what a painful job that was.) While I don't remember that one being on my required reading list, I do remember it being a big hit around the office and seeing a lot of the graphics and promo material. The movie really seems to capture the books and definately gave me a sense that I was watching a comic miniseries.... There's one unifying plotline throughout, but you could see where individual issues' stories began and ended. It all flowed together really nicely. It reminded me of why I used to enjoy comic books.... The writing was far better than the non-comic-reading public knew. But we knew. And we knew someday many of these things would be "discovered" by Hollywood. I hope the original writer is pleased with how it turned out.
The director pulled some decent acting out of Natalie Portman, which was refreshing, and most of the rest of the cast were small names, which I think enhanced the movie overall. Special effects were not grandious, but just enough, and the soundtrack is one I'll be picking up. Proper care and attention were devoted to the story and mood, which is what this one required to be successful. I'll be picking this movie up on DVD someday, and be recommending it to my friends.  ¶ 11:47 PM 0 comments

  Rental: Madigascar 1. ...for penguins. They were about the only sincerely entertaining part of this movie, and that really surprised me. I know it didn't make a huge splash at the box office, but I expected something better. I'm also a little confused.... there seemed to be no one thing I can put my finger on that made this movie suck so badly. The voice actors were weak, but not tragically so.... The story was flat, but not tragically so.... The comedy was lame, but not tragically so. It all just seemed to add up to one steaming pile of poo. The penguin antics were about the only thing that made me chuckle, and I'm not entirely sure that they weren't good just because the rest of the movie was so bad. And I can't imagine this holding children's attention. Bleh. Thus completes my trifecta of disappointment.  ¶ 11:45 PM 0 comments

  Rental: The Constant Gardener 2. Look, I recognize that this is one of those Hollywood highbrow movies that all the critics pretend is the next big Oscar contender. Really. I do see the quality here. But I gotta tell ya, the producers of this thing managed to take a fairly intricate story of love and intrigue and make it as dull and borderline depressing as they possibly could. I mean, I describe the plot of this movie to myself and think, "huh... that sounds pretty interesting." The DVD jacket and commercials I've seen for it reinforce that impression. But watching it? .....man..... I had to work to stay awake, which made the plot even harder to follow from point A to point Z. Ralph Feinnes is good, as always. I like his work, I just wish he'd step down to something a little more mainstream. Rachel Weisz, even made up less than usual, is typically lovable. She may be a stone bitch in real life ...I don't know... but on screen she's always someone I could happily fall in love with. These two actors are really the best thing this movie has going for it. The plot isn't bad (and could have been quite interesting before the director smothered it to death), but it is full of twists and turns. Not the kind of movie you want to watch with a bunch of distractions as you'll need to pay attention.  ¶ 8:54 PM 0 comments

  Rental: The Fog 1. As there's really nothing I'm dying to see in the theater right now, it's a 4-rental weekend. First was The Fog, the 2005 remake of the old 70s version. Not a lot to talk about here especially compared to the original, though I think maybe this one went into a little better explanation of the plot. Tom Welling is frighteningly miscast at this stage in his carreer.... No one's going to buy squeaky clean Clark Kent as a morally lax womanizer. So... There's attractive actors, there's a typically-weak Stephen King based storyline, and there's..... well.... fog. That's about it. Yeah, it's marginally better than the Weather Channel, but it'll put you to sleep about as fast.  ¶ 4:10 AM 0 comments

  Rental: The Weather Man 0. Holy Christ! Is there a negative button in me that this movie didn't push?? Broken marriage, jealousy, parental disfunction, guilt, childhood ridicule, cancer, death, lying..... The list just doesn't end. A half hour into this thing you're begging for a bright moment to ease the depression, and you just won't get it until about 3 minutes before the credits roll. I know this is slightly skewed by my relative perspective, but I can't think of a decent thing to say about this movie. Better off reading a book? My God, I would have been better off being hit by a book!  ¶ 2:20 AM 0 comments