Mr. Creepy Rates Hollywood's Latest Cheese!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
  Casino Royale
9. Let's get this out of the way right up front. Daniel Craig makes a decent Bond. Unreservedly better than some Bonds from the past. [*coughDALTONcough*] That said, there was almost no scene in this movie that I wouldn't have rather seen Pierce Brosnan in. Yes, Craig is younger and is reminiscient of early Connery Bond, but he's just different enough to prevent him from settling into the image of Bond that resides in my head. If we're determined to stick with Craig for future Bond films (which in itself could be problematic, as I believe all Flemming novels have been brought to the screen now), I'd like to see the hair darkened slightly and a little more cultured sophistication forced on the character. This is James Bond after all, not some street thug.

There's a lot of things in this movie that I liked, but a number of decisions were made that kept this from being a personal blockbuster. I was excited to hear that this was going to be kind of a prequel... a "how James became Bond" kind of movie. But I think the decision to give the film a contemporary setting was disastrous. There was no reason ...none... that this film couldn't have been set in cold war-60s before the time of the first Connery Bonds. It would have fit seamlessly into the mythology and I think would have helped legitimize Craig as Bond. Similarly, while I have nothing against Judi Dench, the "M" of the 00's-Bond has no business playing the "M" of a 60's-Bond. Nothing in this movie couldn't have been retro-fitted to the 60's, and the few bits of technology that were necessary in this film would seem hi-tech (but not unbelievable) in a 60's setting. These choices made the movie feel like a fantasy to me, not part of a chronology. And, shallow and petty though it may be, I miss the "frolicking naked chicks" cavorting through the opening credits. ...another unnecessary change from what makes a Bond movie a Bond movie.

Core gripes aside, this is an enjoyable movie, with good action and a more-complex-than-the-usual-Bond storyline. While Bond films of recent years threw buckets of money at their effects people to created huge spectacles, in this movie it was surgically employed to create things that were instead spectacular. See the difference? You do in the movie. In the climactic scene (or rather, the 2nd climactic scene... a slight writing gaff) they actually destroy a real building in Venice in dramatic fashion. (Compare this to giant space lasers destroying hotels made of ice while an invisible BMW zips up and down its stairs, and I think you'll see what I mean.) This movie also contains the single most fantastic foot chase scene you will ever, ever see. Ever! During the opening credits, I saw some guy credited as "foot chase stuntman" or something like that. I thought briefly, "what the hell is this guy getting mentioned in the opening credits for?" Then I saw the chase scene in question. Holy shit. I've never seen anyone move like this. Not only does this guy deserve an opening credit, he'd better see a fucking Academy Award in February.

Almost out of the theaters now, find it if you can. It'll be a much better experience if it's 20 feet tall.
 
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What's this all about?

This blog is basically for me... so I can remember what the hell I watched over the years. If it saves you some time and money, so much the better. But rather than use some lame-ass rating system where even a "5" can designate a really stank movie, I've chosen to use the brilliant Creepy Scale at which "1" is the point at which the film is even remotely worth seeing. Anything lower than that a 1, and your time would be better spent in a coma or stabbing yourself repeatedly in the thigh with a fork. Allow me to explain:

The Creepy Scale© of movie rating:

  0   For the love of god, no! It's two whole hours of your life that you'll be begging to have back! Not only is this not worth seeing, it may well be worth not seeing.

  1   If, while flipping through network TV channels in some dive motel, your choices are this or the Weather Channel... choose this. The parts they edit out for network broadcast won't make a bit of difference.

  2   Let's be realistic. Of course you're going to go out and see that annoying old college room mate over a few beers. But set the VCR for this as you're headed out the door. Some night at 3:00 am when the insomnia's kicked in and you're thinking about calling him again, pop this in instead. You won't feel like you wasted your night this time.

  3   Rent it if Blockbuster is out of new releases or you need to rent a movie that can be made substancially more fun by watching with a bunch of friends. It'll be better than Ishtar, I gaurentee.

  4  Movies like this make it worth subscribing to the premium movie channel of your choice just so you can avoid the year long wait that it takes to reach regular TV.

  5   It'll be great on your balls-nasty home theater system. And you'll feel all financially smug knowing you waited for it.

  6   Got a free movie pass? Now's the time, baby! The only thing seperating this from a good rental is that there's something about it that you should see on a whopping big theater screen or surrounded by the unwashed masses with bathtubs full of greasy overpriced popcorn.

  7  The Scenario: You have 2 hours worth of afternoon to waste and you're out of clean underwear. You can either go see this flick or do some laundry. Settle into those skid marks for one more day and get out there.

  8   Go ahead, take the afternoon off for a nice matinee. You'll feel like a wealthy man knowing you saw this film and only paid 5 bucks to do it.

  9   The traffic, the crowd, the wallet sucking full price admission, and the 6 dollar Twislers..... By the time you leave the theater after seeing this, they'll have all been worth it.

  10  No matter how many times you see it, this one's entertaining every single time. You won't mind paying full price for it again and again, and you'll probably want to own it as soon at it's out on DVD.