Eragon 1. If the SciFi Channel had a bigger budget and the actual ability to produce a "good movie," it would look like this. How's that for a qualifier? While not a terrible movie, Eragon is a forgettable yawnfest. "I know Harry Potter and you, sir, are no Harry Potter." Jeremy Irons brings believability to a tough role in an unbelievable movie. Yay on him. And what the hell is John Malcovich doing in this thing?? I know, let's get an A-list actor for our movie, then give him a cumulative 3 minutes of air time. Brilliant.

Story-wise, this movie is the latest victim of the personally-infuriating Hollywood trend of dumbing down. Yes, I realize we don't want to force children (probably their target audience here, though you'd never know it from the marketing) to think too hard about what's going on, but come on. The sophistication of plot here is equivelent of most nursery rhymes and probably less complex than most Dr. Seuss. I think kids today are probably capable of grasping something a little more detailed. And how about hiring a CGI artist who's capable of creating a serious dragon? I mean really, this thing looks only slightly better than video game quality.

Not terrible. Far, far from good. Far too many words wasted on it at this point.  ¶ 1:00 PM 0 comments

  Casino Royale 9. Let's get this out of the way right up front. Daniel Craig makes a decent Bond. Unreservedly better than some Bonds from the past. [*coughDALTONcough*] That said, there was almost no scene in this movie that I wouldn't have rather seen Pierce Brosnan in. Yes, Craig is younger and is reminiscient of early Connery Bond, but he's just different enough to prevent him from settling into the image of Bond that resides in my head. If we're determined to stick with Craig for future Bond films (which in itself could be problematic, as I believe all Flemming novels have been brought to the screen now), I'd like to see the hair darkened slightly and a little more cultured sophistication forced on the character. This is James Bond after all, not some street thug.

There's a lot of things in this movie that I liked, but a number of decisions were made that kept this from being a personal blockbuster. I was excited to hear that this was going to be kind of a prequel... a "how James became Bond" kind of movie. But I think the decision to give the film a contemporary setting was disastrous. There was no reason ...none... that this film couldn't have been set in cold war-60s before the time of the first Connery Bonds. It would have fit seamlessly into the mythology and I think would have helped legitimize Craig as Bond. Similarly, while I have nothing against Judi Dench, the "M" of the 00's-Bond has no business playing the "M" of a 60's-Bond. Nothing in this movie couldn't have been retro-fitted to the 60's, and the few bits of technology that were necessary in this film would seem hi-tech (but not unbelievable) in a 60's setting. These choices made the movie feel like a fantasy to me, not part of a chronology. And, shallow and petty though it may be, I miss the "frolicking naked chicks" cavorting through the opening credits. ...another unnecessary change from what makes a Bond movie a Bond movie.

Core gripes aside, this is an enjoyable movie, with good action and a more-complex-than-the-usual-Bond storyline. While Bond films of recent years threw buckets of money at their effects people to created huge spectacles, in this movie it was surgically employed to create things that were instead spectacular. See the difference? You do in the movie. In the climactic scene (or rather, the 2nd climactic scene... a slight writing gaff) they actually destroy a real building in Venice in dramatic fashion. (Compare this to giant space lasers destroying hotels made of ice while an invisible BMW zips up and down its stairs, and I think you'll see what I mean.) This movie also contains the single most fantastic foot chase scene you will ever, ever see. Ever! During the opening credits, I saw some guy credited as "foot chase stuntman" or something like that. I thought briefly, "what the hell is this guy getting mentioned in the opening credits for?" Then I saw the chase scene in question. Holy shit. I've never seen anyone move like this. Not only does this guy deserve an opening credit, he'd better see a fucking Academy Award in February.

Almost out of the theaters now, find it if you can. It'll be a much better experience if it's 20 feet tall.  ¶ 12:05 PM 0 comments

  Horrorfest: Unrest 4. OK, here's a horror movie. While I'd liked to have seen the writers take one more pass to shore up the shaky back-end of the script, this movie delivers on the scares. Here we have an underpriveleged medical student forced to live in the creepy, disused section of the hospital while they find her late-arriving ass a real dorm room. During cadaver dissecting class, she's given the corpse of a woman who seems to have died horribly and under mysterious circumstances. Strange and terrible things begin to happen to people who disrespect the body, and the student fears she's next unless she can figure out what the body's disturbed spirit wants and put it to rest. Here begins some tried and true mainstays of classic horror, none of which breaks new ground, but most of which deliver the scares. I'm also told they used real cadavers for some parts of the film, which creeped the piss out of me personally. They portrayed dissections fairly graphically, and when the kids have to climb into the tank of chilled formadehide with the bodies ...well... it's creepsville for me.

Is it a good horror movie? Maybe. Is it an effective horror movie? Yeah ....[shudder].... yeah, it is.  ¶ 11:49 AM 0 comments

  Horrorfest: Wicked Little Things 0. This will be quick 'n dirty, as this movie is completely forgettable (and I have, in fact, mostly forgotten it since I saw it a month ago).

Long ago, back before America became civilized [cough], children used to be used in mines because they were small and could squeeze through smaller mine shafts than adults could. They were forced to work 18 hour days and exposed to terrible dangers. In this movie, a mining disaster back then killed a dozen little victims. Jump forward to today, when a widow and her 2 kids inherit her husband's crappy house in the inbred Kentucky hills. Rather than unloading the dump for $1.50 on eBay, she decides to move the kids there and start a new life only to learn the ghosts ...er.... zombies ...er... ghosts of these kids terrorize the countryside, killing people who don't splash blood on their doors. Cue the typical stupid slasher movie teens. Cue the greedy land developer taking everyone's land. Cue the crazy guy warning everyone about the kids. Blahblahblah. At least it makes an attempt to scare you. .....Yeah. Pass.  ¶ 11:36 AM 0 comments

  Horrorfest: Reincarnation It's Horrorfest! A marathon of 8 movies marketed as "toooo disturbing to get wiiiide releeeeaaaase." They lie. Yes, they didn't get wide release. No, most of the ones I saw weren't that disturbing. One was downright boring. We'll take them in the order I saw them.

0. I had big expectations for Reincarnation... A moody, subtitled, Japanese film by the creator of The Grudge (which actually scared me). Japanese horror is known for its subtlety, but this was either too subtle or that Japanese subtlety was lost on my blunt American taste. The plot itself isn't so bad, it just unfolds so slowly and with little "horrific" emphasis that I was doing a lot of "get to the point, already." The story involves the theatrically remaking of a horrible, historical mass murder in Japan. Along the way, one actress begins to think she may in fact be the reincarnation of one of the victims. Mystery and suspense ensue.

This movie isn't so much bad as it is a waste of your time. It's almost a 1 ..... almost. But I can't say with good conscience that this would be better than the Weather Channel. Perhaps if the Weather Channel wasn't available......  ¶ 11:20 AM 0 comments

  The Prestige It's 3 fucking days til Christmas and I don't have time for lengthy posts, but it's been months since I've posted and I'm way behind. I'm likely to forget what I've seen pretty soon, so something needs to go up here.

4. I liked The Prestige. The story of two stage magicians at the turn of the century (uh... that last one, not this one) who each have wronged the other. A tale of obsessive vengeance ensues, each magician trying to simultaneously ruin and one-up the other. One employs Nikola Tesla to build him a machine which essentially teleports a person from one place to the other. Tesla does indeed produce a machine, but with interesting results. In the meantime, an interesting story unfolds. Wives are killed, love is betrayed, and Michael Cane runs around delivering a lot of "I told you so"s.

Speaking of Cane, he's 1/3 of the new cast of the Batman franchise who produced this movie while Warner Brothers firms up plans for the next Batflick. Him, Christian Bale, and the new Batdirector were all involved here. And, sadly, this movie probably didn't generate enough buzz for David Bowie to get the Academy Award nomination he deserves for his portrayal of Nikola Tesla.

Catch The Prestige when it hits television. It's long and plodding, what I like to call a "good Sunday afternoon movie," ie, you've got nothing to do on a boring Sunday afternoon and this would fill it perfectly without making you feel like you've wasted your time.  ¶ 10:46 AM 0 comments