Poseidon 3. Yaknow, I wondered what a remake of the Poseidon Adventure could bring to the table. The answer is, not much. This movie falls into the apparent trend of remade movies that really don't need a remake (the other I've seen ads for recently being The Omen). Yes, the special effects of the ship flipping over (I don't think I'm giving away any secrets with that news flash) are prettier than the 70s original. But beyond that, aside from slightly different personal potlines, it's pretty much another "escape through the ass of the ship" movie. Sure, it wasn't worse than the original, but it wasn't any better either. This glowing unoriginality is magnified by the fact that a TV movie remake was done just last fall, which at least tried to bring something new to this tale. Part of that freshness attempt was the never-before-touched-on events outside the ship... something I always wondered about. (The world has got to wonder whatever happened to that giany luxury cruise liner when it disappeared off the radar.) But Poseidon makes the conscious choice to stick with the original concept of isolation, which I think was a mistake. Sure it enhances the feel of the movie, but we've gone through it before.

Kurt Russell is sure a feel-good actor. I like seeing him on screen and he brings a certain security to everything he's in. And he's certainly no different here. I'd hate to think he's coasting through the rest of his career, but he really needs to do something more demanding. The only other recognizable actor in Poseidon was Andre Braugher, who I also like a lot, but who was completely wasted in this movie. I get the feeling they wanted someone with a name, offered him a small pile of cash for an hour's work, and sent him on his way. It's a pity. Strangely, the high point of this movie for me was, perhap, the ship's lounge singer who was played by Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas who I'm kind of hot for. However I loathe the BEPs, so seeing her gyrate in a tight dress all on her lonesome was a pleasant surprise. Alas, she dies in Andre's arms shortly after the flippage.

That's about it, sadly. While Poseidon isn't a bad movie, it's certainly not worth going out of your way for, and certainly not worth a 7 buck matinee or even a 3 buck rental. Plop yourself down on the sofa someday when you see it pop up on TNT though. It'll entertain you.  ¶ 1:25 AM