Mr. Creepy Rates Hollywood's Latest Cheese!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wall-e
9. While it's not the next animated Titanic that Disney would like you to think, this is a really good movie. I'm a sucker for cute robots and this movie gave me plenty to ...uh... suck. [cough] Yes, it hits you in the head with its anti-wasteful-republicans-ruining-our-world message, but if you know that going in (and how could you not, given all the press), you'd have been smart enough to wear a batting helmet. Seriously, ignore the preaching and enjoy the movie.
¶ 3:46 PM 0 comments
9. While it's not the next animated Titanic that Disney would like you to think, this is a really good movie. I'm a sucker for cute robots and this movie gave me plenty to ...uh... suck. [cough] Yes, it hits you in the head with its anti-wasteful-republicans-ruining-our-world message, but if you know that going in (and how could you not, given all the press), you'd have been smart enough to wear a batting helmet. Seriously, ignore the preaching and enjoy the movie.
¶ 3:46 PM 0 comments
Wanted
6. Unlike 99% of this movie's audience, my expectations were precisely in place when going to see it: See smoking hot Angelina Jolie's smoking hot naked backside and smoking hot, attitude-inflated cleavage trotted around for 2 hours. I don't know what the rest of you people were expecting, but you got it wrong. Yes, the action was fun, though the writing took a back side ....er... back seat, but there's really only one reason to see this. Have that expectation and you won't be disappointed.
¶ 3:40 PM 0 comments
6. Unlike 99% of this movie's audience, my expectations were precisely in place when going to see it: See smoking hot Angelina Jolie's smoking hot naked backside and smoking hot, attitude-inflated cleavage trotted around for 2 hours. I don't know what the rest of you people were expecting, but you got it wrong. Yes, the action was fun, though the writing took a back side ....er... back seat, but there's really only one reason to see this. Have that expectation and you won't be disappointed.
¶ 3:40 PM 0 comments
Untracable
2. Um.... what was this movie about again? I can't remember. That's not a good sign.
¶ 3:38 PM 0 comments
2. Um.... what was this movie about again? I can't remember. That's not a good sign.
¶ 3:38 PM 0 comments
Rental: The Mist
1. What a fatalistic, bleak movie this is. While filled with some excellent horror moments, you will find zero hope or optimism here. The "surprise ending" will make you want to kill yourself. This is one of those movies that I would consider recommending you simply turn off when they begin to drive away, and imagine your own ending rather than witness what they have in store for you.
¶ 3:31 PM 0 comments
1. What a fatalistic, bleak movie this is. While filled with some excellent horror moments, you will find zero hope or optimism here. The "surprise ending" will make you want to kill yourself. This is one of those movies that I would consider recommending you simply turn off when they begin to drive away, and imagine your own ending rather than witness what they have in store for you.
¶ 3:31 PM 0 comments
Get Smart
7. Unlike they typically-awful TV-shows-made-into-movies like Beverly Hillbillies or Charlie's Angels that mock the originals or think they can do better than them, Get Smart is a respectful, well-crafted movie that can still be clever and new while paying homage to its source. Steve Carell is perfect as Smart and brings an air of believability to the role. Ann Hathaway is less ideally cast, but not bad in the role of Agent 99. The Rock finds his groove in comedy though you know right from the start where he's headed by the end of the show. Only occasionally flat, I wouldn't need much convincing to watch this a second time.
¶ 3:23 PM 0 comments
7. Unlike they typically-awful TV-shows-made-into-movies like Beverly Hillbillies or Charlie's Angels that mock the originals or think they can do better than them, Get Smart is a respectful, well-crafted movie that can still be clever and new while paying homage to its source. Steve Carell is perfect as Smart and brings an air of believability to the role. Ann Hathaway is less ideally cast, but not bad in the role of Agent 99. The Rock finds his groove in comedy though you know right from the start where he's headed by the end of the show. Only occasionally flat, I wouldn't need much convincing to watch this a second time.
¶ 3:23 PM 0 comments
The Incredible Hulk
5. Redemption, thy name is Louis Leterrier. Just when I thought Ang Lee had singlehandedly buried the franchise in a single movie, Leterrier salvages it. This isn't a great movie, and it bothers me that it's based more on the old (shitty) TV show than the comic, but it holds together well in comparison to the comic.
¶ 2:52 PM 0 comments
5. Redemption, thy name is Louis Leterrier. Just when I thought Ang Lee had singlehandedly buried the franchise in a single movie, Leterrier salvages it. This isn't a great movie, and it bothers me that it's based more on the old (shitty) TV show than the comic, but it holds together well in comparison to the comic.
¶ 2:52 PM 0 comments
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
0. or 2., depending. Holy Christ. Picture if you will, finally meeting a good friend who you haven't seen in many years and having them come up to you and kick you in the balls. That's exactly how this movie made me feel. Disappointing goes without saying, but this movie hurt my feelings. It opens hopefully enough... now-old Indiana in a classic action-romp through a warehouse facing the ...uh... Commies. (No Nazis?? Um, well... ok.) Then we freefall into nuclear explosions, bad James Dean wannabes, science fiction, and aliens. ......fucking ALIENS. If you'd like to preserve the warm, long-nurtured image of the Indy of old, this movie is a 0. (For the love of god, don't see it.) If you don't give a shit about your childhood memories and just want to watch a little ham-handed action, it's maybe a 2. ...Now I'm crying again. DAMNY YOU, SPIELBURG/FORD/LUCAS!
¶ 2:40 PM 0 comments
0. or 2., depending. Holy Christ. Picture if you will, finally meeting a good friend who you haven't seen in many years and having them come up to you and kick you in the balls. That's exactly how this movie made me feel. Disappointing goes without saying, but this movie hurt my feelings. It opens hopefully enough... now-old Indiana in a classic action-romp through a warehouse facing the ...uh... Commies. (No Nazis?? Um, well... ok.) Then we freefall into nuclear explosions, bad James Dean wannabes, science fiction, and aliens. ......fucking ALIENS. If you'd like to preserve the warm, long-nurtured image of the Indy of old, this movie is a 0. (For the love of god, don't see it.) If you don't give a shit about your childhood memories and just want to watch a little ham-handed action, it's maybe a 2. ...Now I'm crying again. DAMNY YOU, SPIELBURG/FORD/LUCAS!
¶ 2:40 PM 0 comments
Speed Racer
8. I suspect I fall into the category of those who never watched the old TV show so didn't have any expectations, but I liked this movie more than most did.... almost enough to see more than once. It was a harmless romp filled with over-the-top silliness. ("Pops" John Goodman turns out to be a martial arts master. Who knew?) It was visually spectacular, perhaps distractingly so. The race scenes were crazy. Both the child and the monkey should have been excised from this movie surgically.... with little/no anesthesia. Best line, Christina Ricci: "Was that a ninja?"
¶ 2:35 PM 0 comments
8. I suspect I fall into the category of those who never watched the old TV show so didn't have any expectations, but I liked this movie more than most did.... almost enough to see more than once. It was a harmless romp filled with over-the-top silliness. ("Pops" John Goodman turns out to be a martial arts master. Who knew?) It was visually spectacular, perhaps distractingly so. The race scenes were crazy. Both the child and the monkey should have been excised from this movie surgically.... with little/no anesthesia. Best line, Christina Ricci: "Was that a ninja?"
¶ 2:35 PM 0 comments
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
5. I saw this while still in mourning over the cancellation of Veronica Mars, so my opinions may have been skewed. In my defense, Kristin Bell (while still eye-bleedingly cute and sporting a drum-tight little bikini-clad body) was in this less than expected, so I'm hoping I actually enjoyed it on its own merits. I want a Mila Kunis just like this one.
¶ 2:29 PM 0 comments
5. I saw this while still in mourning over the cancellation of Veronica Mars, so my opinions may have been skewed. In my defense, Kristin Bell (while still eye-bleedingly cute and sporting a drum-tight little bikini-clad body) was in this less than expected, so I'm hoping I actually enjoyed it on its own merits. I want a Mila Kunis just like this one.
¶ 2:29 PM 0 comments
Zombie Strippers
8. It was everything I wanted a zombie stripper movie starring Jenna Jameson and Robert England to be. The earth moved.
¶ 2:26 PM 0 comments
8. It was everything I wanted a zombie stripper movie starring Jenna Jameson and Robert England to be. The earth moved.
¶ 2:26 PM 0 comments
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
3. I enjoyed it but it suffers from terrible pacing. It was almost entirely flat throughout. An hour into the movie, and I was still feeling like they were setting it up. Suddenly comes the climactic scenes which still felt flat and anticlimactic. And even though I knew it would have heavy religious overtones ((like the first movie), for some reason I thought they'd have gotten it out of their system by now, so I felt slapped in the face by it.
¶ 2:18 PM 0 comments
3. I enjoyed it but it suffers from terrible pacing. It was almost entirely flat throughout. An hour into the movie, and I was still feeling like they were setting it up. Suddenly comes the climactic scenes which still felt flat and anticlimactic. And even though I knew it would have heavy religious overtones ((like the first movie), for some reason I thought they'd have gotten it out of their system by now, so I felt slapped in the face by it.
¶ 2:18 PM 0 comments
Baby Momma
2. Not a bad movie, just not worth your time. Find the trailer for it on YouTube. It's got all the entertaining bits of the film, and it'll only take up 3 minutes of your life.
¶ 2:14 PM 0 comments
2. Not a bad movie, just not worth your time. Find the trailer for it on YouTube. It's got all the entertaining bits of the film, and it'll only take up 3 minutes of your life.
¶ 2:14 PM 0 comments
